picture diary #006

Hey hey hey! Blog time! To be honest I don't know if anyone really enjoys this as much as I do writing them but this is more like... something I enjoy looking at over time and letting you guys peek into my journal essentially. Hope that's ok.

Bonnie shed this week so she's extra bright <3

made some face masks for family!

Last month was a lot. I started working on my next comic pitch while finishing up the thumbs for my current deal I have. Unfortunately because of COVID19, this and that has changed for my finances so I'll be kinda messing around with ways to hustle on the side so I don't lose my mind. Anyways, cool stuff, I'm pitching 2 idea's for YA comics that I just spent a buttload of time on (one more than the other) so the fruits of those labours will come probably... not for a long time haha. We'll see! I also am working on 2 pitches for a webcomic, don't get excited, they'll be BL so I'm not planning on making it exclusive to Patreon. I might set up my Ko-fi or set up a separate tier on Patreon JUST for things related to that comic (early pages, BTS etc;). I've been toying with making a BL tier for a while, since I really don't want to have people who came here for lesbians have to see that and lose interest. I get it. If I was following someone to see the good sapphic content and they started uploading idk, straight romantic stuff I'd be like *yawning* kinda bored. I don't want that to happen LOL I know some of you are loyal and that's great I appreciate it, but Patreon isn't a hobby for me, it's how I make money enough to cover monthly bills and part of my rent so I gotta make you guys happy to an extent... but ofc not too crazy like I'm taking requests and stuff cuz I'm not like, a factory that can draw only for Patreon and hopefully make enough content to post elsewhere.

souffle omelette!

souffle pancakes! 

I also got the OK that I can post more of my concept/character/BTS of Lovely Recipe, my upcoming YA graphic novel ((((: I'll be posting it to twitter since I don't think it feels right to post it exclusively to Patreon, for contract reasons, so stay tuned for that in the future! It's hard though, since I have to make sure I don't post anything that gives away any story stuff or you know all that good stuff... I hope I can still show fun stuff tho ; o ;

I signed up for a course with Schoolism which is an online art course platform where you can pay monthly or yearly and watch online lectures from art professionals working in like, studios, successful freelance etc; I've actually taken courses from them before that I really enjoyed but I ended my subscription and ran out of time to take courses when I was using it so now that I have more time and I really want to stop feeling rusty and inadequate, thought it was a good idea! I'm taking Alex Woo's Gesture Drawing course to help me better with posing and expressive full body poses as well as simplifying the form better. I only watched the first lesson and he kinda reminded me of a bunch of things I totally forgot about haha. Here's hoping!

pre baked shokupan~

Lots of adventures in baking... I made japanese milk bread so I could make the strawberry fruit sandwiches... I ended up making a whipped cream cheese instead of straight up whipped cream since.. I love cream cheese hi. They turend out really good but I need a proper baking pan since I can't get the square shape without a pan with a lid. Hopefully the next time I make the bread It will be better!

finished shokupan~ 

I wanna thank baking, animal crossing and finally decorating/organizing my house as being distractions from the stress of this entire global situation. Actually no, Animal crossing get off that list because ever since I got terraforming I've just been making my island look worse and worse and none of the ugly villagers who are living there will leave cuz they think this island is ugly, so their ugly asses can stick around. UGH. I don't even have a membership to nintendo to invite people to my island which is totally fine my island is so UGLY. And not like, oh haha no we all think that U V U like i still haven't put paths up, I haven't been weeding so it's just. We're not gonna talk about it anymore.

ANYWAYS! Onto the recommendations!

Movies/Youtube

The Half of It- Netflix - Pretty cute movie! I think it was very good in the sense I wanted to know what would happen, I absolutely laughed and held my face multiple times, and it wasn't too high stakes that I was like feeling really crummy and gross. I'd recommend it!

Long Hair Pretty Nails- Youtube Channel I'm like... low key obsessed with. She just does her nails for like 20-30 minutes and it's so mesmerizing. I don't even do my nails like that, I haven't painted my nails in probably 3-4 months it feels like, but I love watching people do their nails it's so like relaxing to me? She's also just good mom energy she's so bubbly.

Music-

Blood Machines OST-- I'm a like, listen to the whole album kinda person then decide which songs I like, but Intro and Blood Machines Theme are my faves! By one of my alltime fave artists, Carpenter Brut, this OST is for a movie I believe that's already out? I low key haven't seen it cuz idk... it feels like something I'm gonna find boring, but I stan my boy Carpenter <3

Sorry I don't have as much to recommend this month since I was really busy with work stuff that didn't let me like... watch a lot of tv or listen to new music as much as I normally do.

Stay fresh and safe all!

~Mo

picture diary #004

Happy February! Wow okay I just need to say... January was really crazy. I had my first deadline for my comic due, which ended up taking just a lot longer than I had anticipated. What took the longest was, during me working on thumbs, I got the worst eyestrain I've ever had. It was so bad, even when I wasn't on the computer, I couldn't focus my vision it was so blurry and dizzy. I felt like a fool I went out to see a movie so I was like oh I'll wear these cool boots ((((: and the second I started walking in them I thought I was gonna topple over. 

With that dizziness, I've been really struggling with my style lately. I feel like I might have said this before, but I'm just... sick of my style haha. Sick of my style and my content. I feel like, when your brand is what you like to draw, and you draw it for a long time, but then you decide you wanna draw something else, because that's what your gut or your heart wants, you can't because the people who are supporting you are there for a certain thing. I appreciate people who are like "Draw what you want!" blahblah but the reality is, my job, what I get paid to do, is a certain thing and if I stop doing it the same way, I risk losing my supporters and money. When I was in college and I didn't have to care about how many people were getting commissions from me or purchasing my stuff etc; because I had a day job and I was in school learning, it was fine. But now, like the biggest example is I recently got back into BL but I just spent the last like... 4 years of my life, only drawing sapphic content, and now I'm like "I wanna draw boys... no one is here to see me draw gay twinks." 

My new favourite cafe <3

SO THAT'S BEEN ME LATELY just trying to revamp and rebrand as best I can. I just, I don't know. I think I said this too, but recently in the last few months, I've had a lot of interactions with followers and people who support me that made me feel really gross. And I kinda want to just, start over. I want to not have such a connection with my art and my personality. This comic has been really nice and definitely makes me want to pursue more projects and less, me having to constantly dance around online. Or even like, getting a part time job at a store somewhere, to make up for some finances. I just, hate the pressure I have put on myself to draw and create things. I'm already becoming really exhausted again with my NSFW art and not wanting to draw it so forcing myself to make stuff for my NSFW patrons so I can continue to make money and like cover my bills is hard haha. I don't know.

I've been thinking about going on a hiatus from Patreon or Social Media in general for a while. If I could find a summer job or something else I can do that's a little less engaging online, for a few months and then come back a little fresh minded, that might be good. But I have to see how possible that is. I got BILLS I got PETS and I gotta EAT. 

some kinda pothos 

My other option is I really do wanna get more into comics, I keep saying this (as I'm working on a comic) but more, like I have MORE stories and characters I wanna draw. I have always been meaning to get something on webtoons I can consistently stick to so I'm working on that right now. Trying to play around with styles and concepts for something I can long term post online and maybe, use as a new way to focus my content so I don't have to be drawing things left and right but can focus on bigger projects. Tax season this year is gonna be hellish I have so many little jobs and 1099's I have to file, I would love to just... have like 2 but I have like 8 and 1 W-2 IRS please be gentle with me. I'm just a dumb artist trying to make food money.

string of pearls!

Um my plants are thriving? Jk I killed two of them this month, we bid farewell to one of my chinese evergreens and my bella palm. Pour one out. I however, got like 5 new plants! Cuz they were on sale and I apparently would rather spend my grocery money on plants and eat lean cuisines. 

We got a String of Pearls! And some... kind of pothos... thing... A new big regular pothos, a philodendron and.... a Dracaena! And I got this super cute Ceramic pot I love her so much I wanna put my String of Pearls in it once it gets longer so she has like sassy long hair. 

My birthday is next month, on the fourth <3 So I told everyone to just get me like hanging plant fixtures and ceramic pots. I just want more plants in my house, I know groundbreaking, I just feel like they make my space feel so much more inviting and organic especially with the mid century modern/desert chic style I got going. 

Bonnie has been refusing food for like... 4 months? Since October and there were so many things going on that it's not a surprise but it was so frustrating and scary for me. I've wanted her specific morph for SO LONG and when I started handling her she's so friendly I was like ahh this is perfect she's perfect so her getting sick was really scary. BUT she has had 2 meals so far, and hasn't refused either since I switched the type of rodent she was getting. Only the finest meats for Bonnie. God I love her so much she's so cute I die. Sessy is still fucking tiny but I love him, actually I have him in my hair right now since I gotta feed him tonight so I wanted to give him some TLC before I can't touch him for like 2 days. 

I'm still decorating my place... yeah. I keep buying shelves cuz I feel like they fill up the space the best and they let me hang more plants around. I ended up biting the bullet and buying some fake pothos and hanging plants to put up around my house, cuz I just CAN'T HAVE REAL POTHOS HANGING EVERYWHERE it would be impossible. My house doesn't get enough light, I keep my apartment cold and honestly, I don't like taking care of plants. So I would probably kill them. Maybe on purpose. 

my sad little aesthetic corner LOL 

I have all the supplies to do some acrylic pours but I keep putting them off cuz well, it's hard to do any painting indoors during the winter since any fumes I won't be able to air out with open windows and I'm worried about doing any painting cuz my cats are pretty good about not fucking with me when I'm painting and doing traditional media but I haven't done it in so long that once I open up a jar of paint I know Zita is gonna FLIP out and probably try to walk all over it. I don't need that in my life right now. 

ANYWAYS! Not much is going on, I literally drew over 200 thumbnails and wrote 70 pages of script this last month so I'm just burned out, but I wanna draw so badly it's like, not normal burn out where I don't even wanna draw it's burn out like, my body doesn't want me to draw but my brain is like "Okay... what if you wrote a comic about.." and I'm like oh yeah I like that. AH. 

Recommendation time! It's not too crazy this month, I didn't have as much time to find new things to listen/watch so I kinda stuck with sole oldies 

Music 

No Good at Goodbyes -- Harrison Lipton

Beach House -- The Mekanism

Youtube

Silent Hill 1 No Commentary Playthrough  - I don't play video games but I am a little/big fan of Silent Hill and Deadspace and I found this channel that does no commentary playthroughs (which I LOVE listening to when I work) so... I've had this saved and finally started watching it while I finished up some stuff this week <3

NOMA -- Traditional artist! Just a lot of fun and very chill watching them sketch and paint <3

Alright that wraps it up! Thanks for letting me ramble, I hope you enjoyed seeing some photo's of my house :0

Stay fresh!

~Mo

picture diary #003

Missy P with my oldest Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal

So I originally wrote a bunch of things in this post but I decided to re-write it after a week passed since I felt a little different about what I was feeling...

First of all, wow the period between Christmas and New Years this year was really ROUGH. I just sat around trying to get my head into the right place because I guess I burned myself out a bit in October and November... I moved into my new place September 28th, but I had to make hour one way trips back and forth to my moms house for like 2 weeks every few days which was exhausting... Then I spent about a month just, getting furniture, going antiquing and going to thrift shops which was more time consuming than anything. Because of all the new things I needed to buy, I had to kind of open the floor to commissions just so I didn't feel like I dipped into my savings too much and at this point... I really don't like doing commissions.

Beret I felted sprinkles on for my cousin <3

I feel like commissions are so draining for me. No offense to the people who commission me, but I do have to turn down commissions a lot because they don't align with my style at all, and that can always be kinda frustrating especially when I decide to take on the task and instead of it being a 1-2 hour commission, it takes me 3-4 because the concept is so complex and I didn't realize initially it would be. That being said, one of my new years resolutions is NO MORE COMMISSIONS. 2020 is the year I don't take commissions.

Between my comic "Lovely Recipe" and me trying to get into conventions and selling merch more often, I feel like it'll be a lot easier for me to not take commissions and focus more on creating content that directly relates to my interests. Last year, my financial situation was boosted so much from opening my shop, selling my NSFW comic, getting my comic deal and kinda learning how to spend my money, save my money, and yeah I don't know... It took a while to get here but HERE WE ARE.

I want to keep this entry kinda, on track to what 2020 is gonna look like and how I plan on creating content for you guys, how I plan on moving forward.

MID CENTURY MODERN 

Some of my project goals this year are a 2020 Calendar. I've ALWAYS wanted to do a calendar of my own design I'm just having a hard time deciding on what I want to do. I was toying with the idea of just, women pin ups, which has been done before, then I thought maybe I'd stick to the theme of Vaporwave or my own characters, something fun with clowns... I think as I continue to plan this in my head, Vaporwave is going to be the best option. I think it's what is my fall back theme/aesthetic and of course one of my favourites (I've got the friggin Windows 95 logo tattooed on my right wrist lmao). That will be something I'll continue to work on, hopefully do some recorded videos.

My online shop will continue to function as is, though I don't plan on restocking items anytime soon or at least, not on my shop. Depending on which conventions I get into this year, I hope to sell things I order there rather than online, since that's under the table money, and a great way for people who aren't online as much to find my stuff!

I also plan to start self-publishing my own comics. I have 2 idea's right now that have been brewing in my head and I want to definitely have them done for these comic conventions I'm attending, but I would also like to be able to upload them to gumroad, patreon, webtoon, tapas etc; so I can find a new way to share my work.

A while back, I had always imagined that I would be doing illustrations and work on Flirts in Hawaiian shirts, upload to tapas and use patreon as a way to support it, but something I've reflected on recently is that I'm very inconsistent with my style, with the aesthetics and things I like. I'm multi-faceted in that way. I thought I could keep up with uploading sketches constantly so that people could download my sketchbook but I just, don't sketch as much as I used to, and when I do, it's for NDA stuff, or it's personal. I hate to sound self righteous but I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable with sharing my work and I can't see myself doing that anymore. When I do figure drawing sessions and speed paints, master copies and studies, sharing it with tons of people around me, makes me feel very ehhh.... I'd rather have sketching sessions where I can post the work for you guys to see but I just don't do that anymore. I don't really sit and sketch like I used to and I don't like posting sketches of like, merchandise I'm making or unreleased things because I feel like I enjoy the surprise and the hype I can build up.

Pretty mushroom cake my cousin made for Christmas!

Going into 2020, because of my comic, I won't be able to share a lot and I've already been made aware of that. My original idea was that I might shut down my patreon, and only take commissions, run my shop, do conventions and my comic but I feel like I still enjoy making content for Patreon and having it as a place I can make revenue. I think instead, I just won't be doing commissions, and I might tweak some of the patreon tiers a little. I would like to make more of my money doing comics because I'm starting to realize it's something I really enjoy and really love. More than illustrating and designing merch, the process of working on something long form like that is really exciting.

I don't want this to be too negative so I will say something that maybe will offer some of you who are creatives a little, like A-ha moment.

Because I've recently sparked an old interest I had, I've started creating art elsewhere. I won't say the username, account, and I don't plan on linking it to my social media. I've decided to make a new place with no starting position. 0 followers, 0 people looking at me, 0 people making me feel pressured to upload and be afraid of the number dropping. I've... really enjoyed the last week of me doing this, it's like, my own quiet place now. This twitter/instagram/tumblr that I've found for myself, it feels like a diary, that I'm exciting for people to find.

I don't know... I kinda feel like, when I first started uploading art. I had no friends, people who were watching/following me, just myself, my bamboo fun tablet, and such a desire to draw and create. I hope I can create that space for myself again because I've been seeking it for so long, ever since senior year of college and I lost that inner desire to make stuff I wanted without feeling outside guilt or pressure.

WHOOH! That's a load off my shoulders. I might end up sharing the space someday on twitter, but I kinda like the idea of it being like ??? who is this, haha. It's a nice place I can experiment.

OK! So I already set my 2020 goals and I'm not gonna share them so much here because they're personal and based on physical things I want to change and they're honestly, boring to list off.... But I'll put 3 here to start the year off right!

1. Take an art education course to improve (online or in real life)
2. Attend at least 1 convention and sell my stuff
3. Self publish a comic in a physical form (Aka get something printed)

Ok! Sorry for the length and the like, self reflective nature of this post. Like I've said before, I want this blog to feel more... personal, like it's my voice, not so much a newsletter like it was before.

I'll put some honourable mentions of favourites below if you're interested!

Music

missy p and zita i felted with cat hair 

Jason Sanders "Don't Touch that Dial" Vaporwave Mix  Love listening to this while I work on something since it's about an hour and 20 minutes long, so I know once it's over, I need to take a break.

Realiti -- Grimes  -- Weird shit I'm into

Cut Me Loose -- Jethro Heston  -- Some good ole House music

TV 

Yuri on Ice-- Enough said. Finally finished watching this and let me just say, it reignited the fire in me that loved anime I'm so happy I gave it a second chance ; o ;

Podcasts// Youtube Channels

Radio Rental -- People retelling horror stories like some sort of BlockBuster video aesthetic. Actually creepy with the addition of music and sound effects. Ooooh gets me good!

Clints Reptiles -- Reptile education Youtube! I enjoy how informative he is while keeping the mood light and overall cheerful.


Anyways! Sorry this blog post was just me spilling my heart out but it felt good and I hope it kinda gets you in my head ; v ; /

Till next time!

Stay Fresh

~Mo