With that dizziness, I've been really struggling with my style lately. I feel like I might have said this before, but I'm just... sick of my style haha. Sick of my style and my content. I feel like, when your brand is what you like to draw, and you draw it for a long time, but then you decide you wanna draw something else, because that's what your gut or your heart wants, you can't because the people who are supporting you are there for a certain thing. I appreciate people who are like "Draw what you want!" blahblah but the reality is, my job, what I get paid to do, is a certain thing and if I stop doing it the same way, I risk losing my supporters and money. When I was in college and I didn't have to care about how many people were getting commissions from me or purchasing my stuff etc; because I had a day job and I was in school learning, it was fine. But now, like the biggest example is I recently got back into BL but I just spent the last like... 4 years of my life, only drawing sapphic content, and now I'm like "I wanna draw boys... no one is here to see me draw gay twinks."  |
| My new favourite cafe <3 |
SO THAT'S BEEN ME LATELY just trying to revamp and rebrand as best I can. I just, I don't know. I think I said this too, but recently in the last few months, I've had a lot of interactions with followers and people who support me that made me feel really gross. And I kinda want to just, start over. I want to not have such a connection with my art and my personality. This comic has been really nice and definitely makes me want to pursue more projects and less, me having to constantly dance around online. Or even like, getting a part time job at a store somewhere, to make up for some finances. I just, hate the pressure I have put on myself to draw and create things. I'm already becoming really exhausted again with my NSFW art and not wanting to draw it so forcing myself to make stuff for my NSFW patrons so I can continue to make money and like cover my bills is hard haha. I don't know.
I've been thinking about going on a hiatus from Patreon or Social Media in general for a while. If I could find a summer job or something else I can do that's a little less engaging online, for a few months and then come back a little fresh minded, that might be good. But I have to see how possible that is. I got BILLS I got PETS and I gotta EAT.
 |
| some kinda pothos |
My other option is I really do wanna get more into comics, I keep saying this (as I'm working on a comic) but more, like I have MORE stories and characters I wanna draw. I have always been meaning to get something on webtoons I can consistently stick to so I'm working on that right now. Trying to play around with styles and concepts for something I can long term post online and maybe, use as a new way to focus my content so I don't have to be drawing things left and right but can focus on bigger projects. Tax season this year is gonna be hellish I have so many little jobs and 1099's I have to file, I would love to just... have like 2 but I have like 8 and 1 W-2 IRS please be gentle with me. I'm just a dumb artist trying to make food money.
 |
| string of pearls! |
Um my plants are thriving? Jk I killed two of them this month, we bid farewell to one of my chinese evergreens and my bella palm. Pour one out. I however, got like 5 new plants! Cuz they were on sale and I apparently would rather spend my grocery money on plants and eat lean cuisines.
We got a String of Pearls! And some... kind of pothos... thing... A new big regular pothos, a philodendron and.... a Dracaena! And I got this super cute Ceramic pot I love her so much I wanna put my String of Pearls in it once it gets longer so she has like sassy long hair.
My birthday is next month, on the fourth <3 So I told everyone to just get me like hanging plant fixtures and ceramic pots. I just want more plants in my house, I know groundbreaking, I just feel like they make my space feel so much more inviting and organic especially with the mid century modern/desert chic style I got going. 
Bonnie has been refusing food for like... 4 months? Since October and there were so many things going on that it's not a surprise but it was so frustrating and scary for me. I've wanted her specific morph for SO LONG and when I started handling her she's so friendly I was like ahh this is perfect she's perfect so her getting sick was really scary. BUT she has had 2 meals so far, and hasn't refused either since I switched the type of rodent she was getting. Only the finest meats for Bonnie. God I love her so much she's so cute I die. Sessy is still fucking tiny but I love him, actually I have him in my hair right now since I gotta feed him tonight so I wanted to give him some TLC before I can't touch him for like 2 days.
I'm still decorating my place... yeah. I keep buying shelves cuz I feel like they fill up the space the best and they let me hang more plants around. I ended up biting the bullet and buying some fake pothos and hanging plants to put up around my house, cuz I just CAN'T HAVE REAL POTHOS HANGING EVERYWHERE it would be impossible. My house doesn't get enough light, I keep my apartment cold and honestly, I don't like taking care of plants. So I would probably kill them. Maybe on purpose.
 |
| my sad little aesthetic corner LOL |
I have all the supplies to do some acrylic pours but I keep putting them off cuz well, it's hard to do any painting indoors during the winter since any fumes I won't be able to air out with open windows and I'm worried about doing any painting cuz my cats are pretty good about not fucking with me when I'm painting and doing traditional media but I haven't done it in so long that once I open up a jar of paint I know Zita is gonna FLIP out and probably try to walk all over it. I don't need that in my life right now.
ANYWAYS! Not much is going on, I literally drew over 200 thumbnails and wrote 70 pages of script this last month so I'm just burned out, but I wanna draw so badly it's like, not normal burn out where I don't even wanna draw it's burn out like, my body doesn't want me to draw but my brain is like "Okay... what if you wrote a comic about.." and I'm like oh yeah I like that. AH.
Recommendation time! It's not too crazy this month, I didn't have as much time to find new things to listen/watch so I kinda stuck with sole oldies
Music
Silent Hill 1 No Commentary Playthrough - I don't play video games but I am a little/big fan of Silent Hill and Deadspace and I found this channel that does no commentary playthroughs (which I LOVE listening to when I work) so... I've had this saved and finally started watching it while I finished up some stuff this week <3
NOMA -- Traditional artist! Just a lot of fun and very chill watching them sketch and paint <3
Alright that wraps it up! Thanks for letting me ramble, I hope you enjoyed seeing some photo's of my house :0
Stay fresh!
~Mo
