picture diary #003

Missy P with my oldest Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal

So I originally wrote a bunch of things in this post but I decided to re-write it after a week passed since I felt a little different about what I was feeling...

First of all, wow the period between Christmas and New Years this year was really ROUGH. I just sat around trying to get my head into the right place because I guess I burned myself out a bit in October and November... I moved into my new place September 28th, but I had to make hour one way trips back and forth to my moms house for like 2 weeks every few days which was exhausting... Then I spent about a month just, getting furniture, going antiquing and going to thrift shops which was more time consuming than anything. Because of all the new things I needed to buy, I had to kind of open the floor to commissions just so I didn't feel like I dipped into my savings too much and at this point... I really don't like doing commissions.

Beret I felted sprinkles on for my cousin <3

I feel like commissions are so draining for me. No offense to the people who commission me, but I do have to turn down commissions a lot because they don't align with my style at all, and that can always be kinda frustrating especially when I decide to take on the task and instead of it being a 1-2 hour commission, it takes me 3-4 because the concept is so complex and I didn't realize initially it would be. That being said, one of my new years resolutions is NO MORE COMMISSIONS. 2020 is the year I don't take commissions.

Between my comic "Lovely Recipe" and me trying to get into conventions and selling merch more often, I feel like it'll be a lot easier for me to not take commissions and focus more on creating content that directly relates to my interests. Last year, my financial situation was boosted so much from opening my shop, selling my NSFW comic, getting my comic deal and kinda learning how to spend my money, save my money, and yeah I don't know... It took a while to get here but HERE WE ARE.

I want to keep this entry kinda, on track to what 2020 is gonna look like and how I plan on creating content for you guys, how I plan on moving forward.

MID CENTURY MODERN 

Some of my project goals this year are a 2020 Calendar. I've ALWAYS wanted to do a calendar of my own design I'm just having a hard time deciding on what I want to do. I was toying with the idea of just, women pin ups, which has been done before, then I thought maybe I'd stick to the theme of Vaporwave or my own characters, something fun with clowns... I think as I continue to plan this in my head, Vaporwave is going to be the best option. I think it's what is my fall back theme/aesthetic and of course one of my favourites (I've got the friggin Windows 95 logo tattooed on my right wrist lmao). That will be something I'll continue to work on, hopefully do some recorded videos.

My online shop will continue to function as is, though I don't plan on restocking items anytime soon or at least, not on my shop. Depending on which conventions I get into this year, I hope to sell things I order there rather than online, since that's under the table money, and a great way for people who aren't online as much to find my stuff!

I also plan to start self-publishing my own comics. I have 2 idea's right now that have been brewing in my head and I want to definitely have them done for these comic conventions I'm attending, but I would also like to be able to upload them to gumroad, patreon, webtoon, tapas etc; so I can find a new way to share my work.

A while back, I had always imagined that I would be doing illustrations and work on Flirts in Hawaiian shirts, upload to tapas and use patreon as a way to support it, but something I've reflected on recently is that I'm very inconsistent with my style, with the aesthetics and things I like. I'm multi-faceted in that way. I thought I could keep up with uploading sketches constantly so that people could download my sketchbook but I just, don't sketch as much as I used to, and when I do, it's for NDA stuff, or it's personal. I hate to sound self righteous but I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable with sharing my work and I can't see myself doing that anymore. When I do figure drawing sessions and speed paints, master copies and studies, sharing it with tons of people around me, makes me feel very ehhh.... I'd rather have sketching sessions where I can post the work for you guys to see but I just don't do that anymore. I don't really sit and sketch like I used to and I don't like posting sketches of like, merchandise I'm making or unreleased things because I feel like I enjoy the surprise and the hype I can build up.

Pretty mushroom cake my cousin made for Christmas!

Going into 2020, because of my comic, I won't be able to share a lot and I've already been made aware of that. My original idea was that I might shut down my patreon, and only take commissions, run my shop, do conventions and my comic but I feel like I still enjoy making content for Patreon and having it as a place I can make revenue. I think instead, I just won't be doing commissions, and I might tweak some of the patreon tiers a little. I would like to make more of my money doing comics because I'm starting to realize it's something I really enjoy and really love. More than illustrating and designing merch, the process of working on something long form like that is really exciting.

I don't want this to be too negative so I will say something that maybe will offer some of you who are creatives a little, like A-ha moment.

Because I've recently sparked an old interest I had, I've started creating art elsewhere. I won't say the username, account, and I don't plan on linking it to my social media. I've decided to make a new place with no starting position. 0 followers, 0 people looking at me, 0 people making me feel pressured to upload and be afraid of the number dropping. I've... really enjoyed the last week of me doing this, it's like, my own quiet place now. This twitter/instagram/tumblr that I've found for myself, it feels like a diary, that I'm exciting for people to find.

I don't know... I kinda feel like, when I first started uploading art. I had no friends, people who were watching/following me, just myself, my bamboo fun tablet, and such a desire to draw and create. I hope I can create that space for myself again because I've been seeking it for so long, ever since senior year of college and I lost that inner desire to make stuff I wanted without feeling outside guilt or pressure.

WHOOH! That's a load off my shoulders. I might end up sharing the space someday on twitter, but I kinda like the idea of it being like ??? who is this, haha. It's a nice place I can experiment.

OK! So I already set my 2020 goals and I'm not gonna share them so much here because they're personal and based on physical things I want to change and they're honestly, boring to list off.... But I'll put 3 here to start the year off right!

1. Take an art education course to improve (online or in real life)
2. Attend at least 1 convention and sell my stuff
3. Self publish a comic in a physical form (Aka get something printed)

Ok! Sorry for the length and the like, self reflective nature of this post. Like I've said before, I want this blog to feel more... personal, like it's my voice, not so much a newsletter like it was before.

I'll put some honourable mentions of favourites below if you're interested!

Music

missy p and zita i felted with cat hair 

Jason Sanders "Don't Touch that Dial" Vaporwave Mix  Love listening to this while I work on something since it's about an hour and 20 minutes long, so I know once it's over, I need to take a break.

Realiti -- Grimes  -- Weird shit I'm into

Cut Me Loose -- Jethro Heston  -- Some good ole House music

TV 

Yuri on Ice-- Enough said. Finally finished watching this and let me just say, it reignited the fire in me that loved anime I'm so happy I gave it a second chance ; o ;

Podcasts// Youtube Channels

Radio Rental -- People retelling horror stories like some sort of BlockBuster video aesthetic. Actually creepy with the addition of music and sound effects. Ooooh gets me good!

Clints Reptiles -- Reptile education Youtube! I enjoy how informative he is while keeping the mood light and overall cheerful.


Anyways! Sorry this blog post was just me spilling my heart out but it felt good and I hope it kinda gets you in my head ; v ; /

Till next time!

Stay Fresh

~Mo