Picture Diary #008

Pip after she got spayed ; o ; and lil Zita on the left <33

Hi guys~~ Long time no blog. I was pretty busy with a lot of stuff going on during the summer/fall months and when winter came around I kinda had to catch up on all the other things in my life and in all honesty, I didn't really feel like sitting and writing a blog/update because everything was so in the air and I wasn't sure how I wanted to move forward with things. Hopefully I can do better this year with the blog, not that I think a TON of people are super invested in this, but for some of you who miss the old blogspot days and reading picture diary's I hope you enjoy this at least!

first snowstorm of the season!

So 2020 was um... not so great. I think that's a statement few will disagree with. As most of you know, I lost my cat Missy P to liver cancer this fall. It was a real shock since, I was just taking her into the vet for dental work and within the span of 3 months, she was gone. I don't want to make this entire blog about that and I've been grieving and healing with my friends and family. I will say this, losing a pet during this time of COVID which is already extra lonely, high anxiety all around, having this happen really knocked a lot out of me and I needed, still need, time to properly process this. It's important to note, I adopted Missy P when my cat Pita who was also white with green eyes, passed away so she was something that healed me during that time in my life when I was in high school, clinically depressed and all sorts of other really bad things. It was my first time losing a pet that I'd had since they were a baby so the emptiness is raw and unforgiving right now. But this is not my first time dealing with a loss that came so suddenly, as I dealt with one a few years back when I lost one of my best friends. Grieving is a process that has no time limit. From what I've been told, it never goes away, but it gets better. I'm definitely not in the same space I was previously, but I'm sad and heartbroken. I'm grateful for my family and friends who have helped make this loss easier to get through and to Missy P for being with me as long as she could. 

On a happier note, Pip is the newest addition to the family <3 She's a medium hair, tuxedo, polydactyl and she's so cute. I haven't had a kitten in my care since I got Missy P and Zita about 11 years ago, and every time she breaks something or climbs somewhere she isn't supposed to, knocks something over or wakes me up to play at like 5 am... I remember how much I LIKE kittens but having them is another story. What I love about cats is the low maintenance but kittens, are high maintenance until they grow up a little so I'm looking forward to her being a little less wacky so I can just enjoy the quiet cuddly moments. Zita seems to like her, tho they fight but it's mainly Zita being like "I'm 11 STOP." and Pip is like "I LOVE U!!!" I firmly believe Pip LOVES Zita and Zita seems to tolerate her. Sometimes Pip will cuddle with me for 2 seconds, see Zita is sleeping in her bed and get off to go lay with her which is so cute so I have a billion and one pictures of that haha <3 

Staying busy in Quarantine has evolved into me still making bread, and crafting more. I finally made the perfect square shokupan bread and ugh it was so good. I wanna make more, but I really need to watch what I'm eating right now since I'm not able to go to the gym due to COVID and I have a pretty sensitive stomach when I eat a lot of carbs so I gotta watch it. I also went insane and bought a pompom maker so I could make some winter crafts since I'm one of those stupid idiots who's like "why pay $20 for this pom pom wreath, when I can spend $19 on supplies and 19 hours making my own!" and I did that and I'm mad but also it looks really cute so I'm also not mad. I feel very neutral about the whole experience. 

I also made this insane pom pom tree that reminds me of some Dr. Suess lookin ass thing but it's so cute. After the way this year ended, I made it a point to make my house more colourful and fun since painting my bedroom, bathroom and living room, doing all these crafts, were a really good distraction for me from Missy P since sitting at my desk to draw when I didn't have her sleeping in the bed next to me was very hard. What wasn't hard? Making like 100 pom poms with Pip jumping into the bag of pom poms and Zita unraveling all my yarn. Well... no that was hard. But it wasn't sad. 

I also went antiquing with my mom recently and bought some little golden books from the like 1950's which are so cute and pretty not pictured here... I also bought like 30 playboys from the 80's-2010's. I was looking at them because 2 of my favourite artists were playboy comic artists, Erich Sokol and Kiraz, so I wanted to see if any of the magazines had their comics. The guy who owned that antique store was like "Uh... do u want them all for like $25?" and I was like um hell yeah. I'm excited because there are tons of references for pin up poses and really pretty photoshoots with like nice lighting, themes etc;; also the 80's/90's aesthetic is really messing with my brain I love it. I've been looking through them and bookmarking certain pages and centerfolds so I can reference them later.

Some Acrylic Pours!

Which brings us into the update section of this blog! So... This year my friend and I attempted to do a webtoon comic. We submit it for a contest for this website but we unfortunately didn't win which is honestly okay... I ended up finding out more about the site that we were going to use and they have a pretty concerning past in terms of paying their artists so like, mmmm no thank you. I did the story, characters, lines and she did the colours and I think it came out so good. It's 2 full episodes but it's a BL about ghosts and bug witches and stuff so I may or may not post it somewhere for people to check out but after doing all that I kinda decided I want to pursue a webtoon opportunity. I've always had this in the back of my head but because I have a contract with a publishing company, I don't want to stretch myself too thin with a Graphic Novel, Online Shop, Patreon, Commissions and then a webtoon. I have the story, characters all planned out though since I've been sitting on the idea for about a year but I haven't had time to really devote to working on just that. Now I really want to so that'll be happening! 

I know I've said this a billion times, but my art is definitely going through some changes, in terms of style, design, structure and themes... So yeah, the BL is coming the GL is here to stay but I want to be able to do both without feeling like I'm letting people down because I'm not drawing what they want which is stupid because like... I don't get paid in views, follows. I'm really tired from drawing things because I think people want to see it and if I draw something else people won't, like that is a 2020 way of thinking I'm absolutely throwing into the trash. GOODBYE THAT THOUGHT. I don't plan to post/draw anything BL related that's NSFW (though I don't really draw nsfw BL if I'm being honest) to patreon or anything so that place will continue to be a WLW space, but my twitter and instagram will definitely be shifting. 

Raspberry Cream Cheese Danish

Okay so BL Webtoon... That is one project I am going to work on in 2021. Second one... Pin Up calendar B^))) I've been wanting to do this for a couple years now but the hard thing about it is, I never really know what I want to do so I end up sitting on it, and then it's August and I'm like, it's too late now. Making a calendar is a lot of planning, a lot of illustrations and time and the shipping sucks. I did a collaborative calendar a few years back, and it was with... 20 ish other artists? It was the worst... so bad. Mainly because the last minute, 2 of my artists just stopped emailing me, and vanished so I had to ask 2 my of my beautiful friends if they could help me out since I was so busy getting things printed and organized and they did. IT SUCKED. so this year I'm just doing it alone. Because I have all these playboys, I'm planning on using it as inspiration. That being said... I do kinda have an idea that I wanted to offer a more suggestive pin up calendar and then for my NSFW tier patrons I'll be uploading the uncensored versions or I would offer all 12 illustrations uncensored on gumroad or something like that. That way I can get a little more out of the illustrations than just the calendar but they can still be enjoyed in a more SFW environment... unless you're the type to have a full nude calendar in your house then damn props to you. 

SHOKUPAN BAYBEEE

I'm planning on using Heather, my like... idk mascot? I feel like she's my go to girl when it comes to drawing pin ups since she's got the big curly hair and the more seductive nature about her that I enjoy drawing. I originally was going to use a variety of my OC's but I realized I don't wanna do that and I'd rather the theme be more cohesive. My mom was like "oh you should do a clown calendar...." so my brain is also kinda thinking about something small scale for that, but I'm not gonna overwhelm myself. I'll either be uploading the illustrations over the course of the year, or save them all, and post updates as I move since it might be easier for me to work on stages like thumbnails, sketches, lines, colours etc;; so the drawings are all similar. My style tends to shift in 6 month intervals so I'd rather the drawings all seem to be from the same place of design in my head vs. how I draw in January to how I draw in November. 

Online shop update-- I'm going to do my best this year to start planning updates around holidays or doing a better job of announcing shop launches/updates. I have some ideas for Valentines since I wanted to send valentines to some of my friends as I wasn't able to send christmas cards this year. I've uploaded some of the drawings to patreon already. I wanted to try doing more prints/stickers moving forward and saving pins/hats/socks/larger merchandise for later since they cost a lot to make, have a high MOQ which means I just have a ton left over and I only have so much space in my apartment to devote to having overflow of product. I'd love to do a launch of items for Spring time, Summer, Fall and Winter since it just feels more appropriate vs. holidays but also holidays come with fun outfits/colour motifs etc; so we'll see! 

Because 2020 was such a wild year and I ended up failing at keeping up with my sketch challenge I created (though I definitely still kept on practicing just not as much as I wanted to) I would like to be a little less hard on myself this year and try to find more mental clarity on what I want to draw, how I want to draw and how I want to live off my art moving forward. I've made some monetary goals for myself and numerical ones just to see my progress. I don't care about follower count or engagement as a value to my art, but it does help me see how i'm progressing and my overall reach. As someone who relies on my online shop, patreon and commissions as a means of income, I do need to be aware of what these numbers mean but I try not to let them bog me down. I've been stuck at the same follower count on all my social media for about a year so I hope I can increase those numbers a bit and see it reflect in my finances and shop. 

I am making this attempt at not doing any commissions all of 2021. I just.. don't want to. They're too hard, and I charge too little for the amount of time and energy they take me. I'd rather work on large projects so I think if I do take any commissions, they will need to be $250 or more otherwise, I just can't be doing little $50 commissions here and there and I need to stop myself from accepting them since nothing burns me out more than commissions. I'm hoping to work on patreon, online shop and personal projects more so I don't have to take commissions. I'm still finishing up a few that I have left over from last year so once they're done I'll be free from commissions hopefully for a LONG time, maybe forever. 

Okay! That's it I think? I tried to recap things as best I could, since I had a lot to say. Looking forward to 2021 being a year of reflecting on 2020, and doing better. Feeling better. Definitely drawing more and drawing things I like and enjoy. 

Some recommendations! 

Soul by Pixar~ Just watched it and I really enjoyed it. I'mma say this once... when twitter has a big opinion on something, please go into it with your own unbiased opinion. This movie was thrown under the bus before it even was in theaters by people who thought they knew what it was about and it wasn't. I really enjoyed it, and I felt like it was definitely a message that anyone can understand and resonate with. And whilst the main black character is a blob for like... idk 20 minutes of the movie, the rest is a lot of black culture in brookyln, and there are TONS of really great black characters in the movie. The entire theme of Jazz and music was really appreciated. Moral of the story, don't write off a movie so fast. 

Music Lab Youtube~ Just discovered and I've been listening to their stuff while I work. I don't know if it really is making me more creative but I'm a big fan of hour long mixes since that's about how long I can work before I need a break so it's helpful. 

Pat's Nails ~ Chinese nail tech. I love her video's. They're short so they're not really for people who wanna get new nail design ideas. I finally have a pretty good collection of things to do my nails at home so I've been watching a lot more nail video's and I think her nails always come out so pretty ; o ; 

Plastic Hearts by Miley Cyrus ~ Her newest album. I really liked all the rock songs! Not so much the slower songs but that's cuz I'm just... not a huge fan of R&B, Ballad type songs. 

I've been watching lots of like... 30 minute nail tech video's while I work, and listening to my usual scary story/creepy pasta youtubers from past blog posts (mr. nightmare, Be.Busta, Corpsehusband, Being Scared) and then ambience background noise. 

Okay thanks everyone! Hope this was enjoyable to read and if not, the pictures were enjoyable to look at <3

Here's looking at you 2021. Let's go and be ready to catch these hands. 

~Mo